Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Run-Around

**This post is a work of pure fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, places, agencies, or organizations is strictly coincidental, and most unfortunate.**

Unity State Postal Service: You should certify that very important envelop.
Embassy of Atlantastan: Hello Dear *Mia*! We are to send your visa now!
Tracking Attempt #1: No information. Please try again later.
Embassy of Atlantastan: Oh yes! I am remind you! We did send your visa Tuesday.

USPS: Oh...well, maybe the DC post office forgot to scan it? Call us tomorrow.
Higher USPS: Hmmm...not really much can be done. Those DC offices are overworked.
USPS: Why did you certify? That's not trackable.
Consumer Affairs USPS: Wow. Atlantastan, really? Well, did you try calling the embassy?

Wayamalocity.com: We can't change your ticket without charging you a million dollars $$$$$.
Department of Redundancy: A new passport? Why don't you just come in person today?
Uniting Airways: No standby for international flights.
Me: But it's a domestic leg.
Uniting: No standby for international flights. And we think you pick your nose.
English Planes: No, you can't skip your first leg to go to DC & get a passport. Blimey.
Me: Since I told you ahead of time, couldn't you just mark me "present?"
English Planes: No. But, like a spot o' tea, luv?

**Short tea break later**

USPS: Oh, honey. Nothing. What was it you said you were waiting for?
Atlantastan: You do not have? Oh...this is not good for you. We sent with UPS, like we said...
Unitarian Package Society: A USPS package? Could be sitting in our sorting room.
Wayamalocity: Cancel and rebook? Let me put you on hold to think of 50 ways to jerk you around...
AREU: Huh. Usually this happens after you've already gotten to Atlantastan. Go figure.
DoR: Come to DC! Pay easy installments of $ARM + $ LEG for a new passport!

I'm still in the country! Call me! I'm trying to call you!
New departure date and time: 19h18 17 June 2008

1 comment:

Stacy said...

As my students would so astutely say "That $h*t is @$$ to the ROOT." Word.